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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[The fact that he calls him that, that he knows to call him that, strikes Jacob quiet for a moment. He eventually picks up his glass and gets up to refill it on his own.]

Why? We weren't.

John got new parents. Joseph lived in the system. I was raised in juvie.

We had all the second chances we could stomach and it all led us to the place we needed to be.

[pharadyne]

Those three separate paths were because of him. If you'd all been born to some pacifist Quaker whose idea of punishment was to have you all sit around a table and discuss your concerns with tedious sincerity, and had never been separated, I imagine you'd have all ended up rather differently.

Not that it matters in the end, since that's not what happened, I just wonder sometimes to what extent the differences between warden and inmate comes down to luck.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Born to anyone else means I wouldn't be me. And so it's a moot point. You take my body and my mind and everything about me and give me two parents who weren't fuck ups...I wouldn't be the same person and I wouldn't be me.

[He fills his glass and shakes his head.]

So it doesn't matter for a lot of reasons.

[pharadyne]

I find it reassuring that we're not intrinsically wrong. And that wardens aren't intrinsically better.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

No. But everyone has to make choices.

[He sits back down with his glass.]

But when push comes to shove, people will either die with their ideals or sacrifice them to survive. And what's the point in dying for something so stupid?

[pharadyne]

Most people die for much sillier reasons than ideals. Like old age. Old age is ridiculous and I refuse to participate in it.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Well - [And Jacob laughs at that, tired.]

You certainly accomplished that. And that's something you and I have in common.

[pharadyne]

That's the problem with surviving. You get punished for it with old age.

[Norton has a sip of tea and abruptly switches topic.]

John remembers what you did for him when you were children. I think...he's scared of you, but he loves you. If that matters to you.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[Jacob stares off to the opposite wall.]

It does, in a way.

I thought I was helping him. Helping both of them. It just got us separated.

[pharadyne]

It's good that you tried. It matters to John that you tried. Really tried. My own older brother's idea of helping me felt more like stabbing me with a fire poker, metaphorically speaking, and we've barely talked since.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Why? [He is happy to move omaway from John and Joseph. Having a warden who already knows so much is - disorienting.]

You two not get along?

[pharadyne]

We were close as children. Drifted apart as we got older. He got married, had children of his own. His wife doesn't want me around them. Not entirely sure if it's because she thinks homosexuality is contagious or if she thinks my decadent immorality would be dangerous to them. Gerald made an appointment with a well-regarded psychotherapist for me without asking me first, I told him he could sod off. And that was that. We still exchange Christmas cards, though. And had dinner together at the Savoy a few years back. But we really don't see each other very much, which almost takes effort considering we both live in the West End.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Sounds like an asshole. Family is family, I suppose. But that doesn't mean you have to see them.


Especially when they're shitty.

[pharadyne]

He's more idiot than arse. He genuinely thought he was helping. But that doesn't make me any more inclined to forgive him. Or trust him.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Idiots who do shitty things are still assholes.

Has he asked for forgiveness?

[pharadyne]

No. Neither of us have mentioned it again.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

So why grant it if even he doesn't care enough to want it?

You have the right idea.

I won't ever forgive our parents. Or the assholes who fostered us after that.

[pharadyne]

I considered murdering them at one point. But it wouldn't really serve any purpose now.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He laughs.]

Murdering who?

[pharadyne]

Old Man Seed, mostly. He's the one who started it all. Sabotage his auto when John was a tiny infant and a lot of misery might have been prevented. But mucking about with time is risky and murdering him now solves nothing.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He laughs, imagining it.]

Would have saved me a lot of trouble trying. It would have been satisfying to see.

[But speaking of - ]

Do you have a way to watch movies?

[pharadyne]

I do. [He gestures loosely to the bulky 1955 32 inch RCA television against the wall.] It's not connected to anything. No wires, no electricity, but I can watch films from the library on it. I set the films on top, and they play. I'm not sure how it works, so I'm going with 'alien technology so advanced it's basically magic.' Like everything else on this ship.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Handy.

Might ask you to borrow that. Never got to see the end of Gone with the Wind.

Old Man Seed dragged Jospeh and me out of school right after Atlanta burned.

[pharadyne]

Oh, I adore Clark Gable. He's absolutely dreamy. Rhett's a bit of a cad, but he's hot so I can't ever focus for long on how terrible he is.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

To each their own. Not my type, but I was a kid, so maybe I didn't know any better.

So that's a yes?