What he does get is Alexei walking up to him some minutes later, his pace fairly calm despite looking like hell, before he swings one fist back and throws it full force towards Jacob's face.]
That's for Abel, you fuck, and you're only lucky I found out now or I would have fucking killed you.
[He had been expecting something like this and so he doesn't put up a fight. He doesn't raise his fist to defend himself. Mae waits for the word, but he doesn't give the command to attack, so she stays and looks quizzically between them.
Jacob falls back, turning only so that he doesn't shatter his nose, and reaches up to rub a bit at the hit.]
Yeah, I know. That was my first clue that you didn't know.
[He snorts, annoyed, and shakes the tingling out of his knuckles. If he wanted to do more than throw a single punch it would have been obvious from the outset.]
I'm pissed at both of you, just so you know. [Duh. He's just better at regulating and working through his anger than he used to be.]
[He turns again but continues idly stepping backwards. He doesn't look like he finds it funny.]
Sorry to burst any bubble you had thinking I might be an unhinged dick about it. Could beat the shit out of you but it wouldn't change fuck all. And it'd just upset Abel.
[The anger surprises him this time and he stares out over the stars as he clarifies.]
That's what I meant. When I asked you if that was all you wanted was to hit me. If you also wanted to know why or how or any of that shit, I'd tell you.
If all you wanted was to hit me, then great. You did it. Guess I'll see you around.
I don't need you to tell me that shit. Abel already did. [Then, with his shoulders tense.] And fucking look at me when you're talking to me, Jacob. I don't need to be given a reason to be fucking pissed off right now.
[He is quiet for a moment, not wanting to unload on him here when he's so volitile for fear of ridicule or, worse, Alexei taking it badly, but Alexei asked. Jacob doesn't see another way out.]
Spent most of my life being around people who'd hit when they'd get pissed. Learned real young that you don't look a predator in the face unless you want to get bit.
I know this - your anger- isn't about me and I fucking deserved that hit, but I don't realize I'm doing it now. Just a bad, fucking habit. I'm not trying to piss you off or make shit worse.
Alexei doesn't say anything at all. He stands there for a couple of seconds and breathes, then inhales slowly and holds it for a moment before gradually letting it out. Then he moves to the railing, several feet down from Jacob, and pulls a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.
Silently, he lights one, tucks the pack away, and takes the first drag. He taps a bit of ash over the side of the ship and rests his weight forwards, leaning against the railing.]
I'm not an animal, Jacob.
[He says it quietly, level, but clearly something about what the other man said had stung.]
You fucking deserved it this time, but I'm not gonna smack you for no reason. And I heard what you said. Just making that real fucking clear right now.
Didn't say you were. Didn't mean to imply it, either.
[It's a lesson he's learned the hard way.]
Ro gets mad like that. Like you. Like I can get. You ever heard of fawning?
Had a therapist tell me that it's what I do when shit gets hard. It's how I
ended up following Joseph.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-04-18 08:41 pm (UTC)What he does get is Alexei walking up to him some minutes later, his pace fairly calm despite looking like hell, before he swings one fist back and throws it full force towards Jacob's face.]
That's for Abel, you fuck, and you're only lucky I found out now or I would have fucking killed you.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-19 01:07 am (UTC)Jacob falls back, turning only so that he doesn't shatter his nose, and reaches up to rub a bit at the hit.]
Yeah, I know. That was my first clue that you didn't know.
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Date: 2025-04-19 01:12 am (UTC)I'm pissed at both of you, just so you know. [Duh. He's just better at regulating and working through his anger than he used to be.]
You fucking deserved that. Fuck.
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Date: 2025-04-19 01:36 am (UTC)Yeah, I know. I deserved it a year ago. I was an idiot and I was pissed at him.
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Date: 2025-04-19 01:39 am (UTC)[Then he looks away and gives Mae a pat on the head.]
Sorry you had to see that, girl. Your master's just a fucking tool.
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Date: 2025-04-19 03:27 am (UTC)It's good practice for her. She shouldn't react to that unless she's working.
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Date: 2025-04-19 03:29 am (UTC)[He gives her another pat, then turns on his heel as if to leave.]
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Date: 2025-04-19 03:31 am (UTC)That's it? That's the only thing you want? [He sounds more amused than upset.]
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Date: 2025-04-19 03:36 am (UTC)[He turns again but continues idly stepping backwards. He doesn't look like he finds it funny.]
Sorry to burst any bubble you had thinking I might be an unhinged dick about it. Could beat the shit out of you but it wouldn't change fuck all. And it'd just upset Abel.
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Date: 2025-04-19 04:22 am (UTC)[But that wasn't what he was talking about anyway, so he doesn't actually argue the point.]
And yeah, Abel's already upset with me. Something about semantics.
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Date: 2025-04-19 04:26 am (UTC)[He stops walking, but folds his arms.]
And don't tempt me. Been working real hard on my fucking temper.
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Date: 2025-04-19 04:29 am (UTC)Don't let me get to you. [He walks to the railing and looks over it.]
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Date: 2025-04-19 04:32 am (UTC)[It's been a while now since he lashed out at someone the way he used to. When he says he's been working on his temper, he means it.]
The hell else am I supposed to want from you. Not in the mood for guessing games.
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Date: 2025-04-19 05:58 pm (UTC)I don't know. I didn't have anything in mind; there's nothing to guess. But if you wanted to know why or any of that, I'll tell you.
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Date: 2025-04-19 06:05 pm (UTC)[Clearly agitated, he clenches the back of his jaw as his hands briefly curl into fists again.]
The fuck are you even on about?
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Date: 2025-04-19 06:09 pm (UTC)That's what I meant. When I asked you if that was all you wanted was to hit me. If you also wanted to know why or how or any of that shit, I'd tell you.
If all you wanted was to hit me, then great. You did it. Guess I'll see you around.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-19 06:49 pm (UTC)I don't need you to tell me that shit. Abel already did. [Then, with his shoulders tense.] And fucking look at me when you're talking to me, Jacob. I don't need to be given a reason to be fucking pissed off right now.
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Date: 2025-04-19 07:06 pm (UTC)One day, ask me why. Not the Abel shit, but this. Right here. Ask me why when you're not angry.
I'm not doing it to piss you off.
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Date: 2025-04-19 07:10 pm (UTC)[And honestly, he really has no idea when he's going to stop being angry.]
Keep it to yourself or don't, but that's gonna be on you. I'm not gonna beg you to tell me shit.
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Date: 2025-04-19 07:33 pm (UTC)Spent most of my life being around people who'd hit when they'd get pissed. Learned real young that you don't look a predator in the face unless you want to get bit.
I know this - your anger- isn't about me and I fucking deserved that hit, but I don't realize I'm doing it now. Just a bad, fucking habit. I'm not trying to piss you off or make shit worse.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-19 11:08 pm (UTC)Alexei doesn't say anything at all. He stands there for a couple of seconds and breathes, then inhales slowly and holds it for a moment before gradually letting it out. Then he moves to the railing, several feet down from Jacob, and pulls a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.
Silently, he lights one, tucks the pack away, and takes the first drag. He taps a bit of ash over the side of the ship and rests his weight forwards, leaning against the railing.]
I'm not an animal, Jacob.
[He says it quietly, level, but clearly something about what the other man said had stung.]
You fucking deserved it this time, but I'm not gonna smack you for no reason. And I heard what you said. Just making that real fucking clear right now.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-19 11:22 pm (UTC)Didn't say you were. Didn't mean to imply it, either.
[It's a lesson he's learned the hard way.]
Ro gets mad like that. Like you. Like I can get. You ever heard of fawning? Had a therapist tell me that it's what I do when shit gets hard. It's how I ended up following Joseph.
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Date: 2025-04-19 11:25 pm (UTC)I've read about it.
[He's been reading more than anyone might think about psychology since his own mental health started visibly circling the drain.]
I fight. Always have. Probably always will.
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Date: 2025-04-19 11:27 pm (UTC)It's not a bad thing.
It's just - what happens. [He grips the railing tightly for a moment.]
You read a lot about that shit?
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Date: 2025-04-19 11:30 pm (UTC)I guess. I read a lot. People expect me to be stupid.
[Because he has a temper. Because he's volatile, waspish, a fighter who lashes out first when he's agitated.]
I'm not stupid.
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