"Mom used to cook," he says softly. "We were on assistance, getting our food from the church, you know? She always made it work. Least when I was little. Joseph came and then John and - well, she stopped getting creative. So I made shit for 'em. Got real good at butter and green beans."
"That kinda responsibility in youth certainly has a way of agin' you," he notes, more mulling than explaining. "Makes ya hav'ta prioritize more. Cut corners." Sweeney refocuses more fully.
"Yeah, mostly. I took care of the boys. Kept our daddy from hittin' em. Made sure they had shit that kids like, you know? Candy from the store, extra soda in the afternoon. Nothing big.'
The soup is goddamn delicious and makes his throat feel much better. He'll have to remember this for next time, because Jacob is very sure that there will be a next time.
He nods, trying to minimize the complications of the situation.
"Most folk don't wanna hav'ta deal with all that day-ta-day bullshit. It's all 'bout the epic. The improbably birth an' tragic death an' lots'a Favors 'long the way." Sweeney huffs, lifting his glass before mumbling into it.
"Too borin'." It'd make him too boring. And that's how someone like him ceases to be.
Sweeney huffs softly, tipping his head in concession.
"I've tried," he admits. "Not the writin' what's already been, but the 'tryin' ta do things ta shape who I'll be'." He rubs his temple. "It ne'er goes well."
"Eh." He isn't sure how to put it. "It's not any one thing. Sometimes folk I care 'bout get kicked off the boat, or I'll get afflicted with some new bullshit." Sweeney sighs.
"What I've done has become who I am," he explains with a clearing of his throat. "Who I am is entirely based on what I've done at this point. There's not a part of me that isn't touched by it."
The sound isn't a snort, just a puff of air that's pushed through his nose in quiet amusement.
"Aye. Just like that." It's a matter of camaraderie, for Sweeney's felt that way...well, always, really.
"But then folk here go 'round tellin' you ya can just...be whate'er the fuck you wanna be. Like it's just that easy. Set down e'erythin' that you are an' make somethin' new."
It pisses him the fuck off; like they're talking down to him because he doesn't just fix himself.
"Thank fuck," he exhales, grateful someone understands. Surely, more must, but it's rare that someone straight up says it. It makes Sweeney threaten a smile as he casually flicks a finger in Jacob's direction, as if to point out the man hit the nail on the head.
"I get the ideal of 'fixin' people', but what's the fuckin' point if we gotta be somethin' completely different than what we are?"
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timeasmymeasure
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-21 09:36 pm (UTC)"Aye, it's amazin' what shit can taste like when it dunn't come outta a can."
And that's from a Fellow who's partaken of a lot of shelf-stable food. They have their place, but ideally, not in death toll recovery.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-21 11:19 pm (UTC)He takes another sip, already feeling better.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-22 08:21 pm (UTC)"Was it just the three'a you?"
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-23 01:03 am (UTC)He takes another indulgent drink.
"Guess it wasn't the same for you."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-23 07:38 pm (UTC)"Ne'er really 'grew up'. Was pretty much a footnote." He tosses the glass back and looks to refill it.
"Didn't really have need fer that bit."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-24 12:34 am (UTC)"Cuz of what you are?"
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-28 06:52 am (UTC)"Most folk don't wanna hav'ta deal with all that day-ta-day bullshit. It's all 'bout the epic. The improbably birth an' tragic death an' lots'a Favors 'long the way." Sweeney huffs, lifting his glass before mumbling into it.
"Too borin'." It'd make him too boring. And that's how someone like him ceases to be.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-28 02:01 pm (UTC)Which is a very hypocritical statement, coming from Jacob, but he's always been bad at taking his own advice.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-28 10:57 pm (UTC)"I've tried," he admits. "Not the writin' what's already been, but the 'tryin' ta do things ta shape who I'll be'." He rubs his temple. "It ne'er goes well."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-28 11:44 pm (UTC)Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-30 12:01 am (UTC)"Just leaves a Fellow tired of it all."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-06-30 01:03 am (UTC)Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-02 08:33 pm (UTC)"More than three years, at this point." No wonder he's fucking tired. "Just one more day in paradise."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-02 08:51 pm (UTC)He lets out a breath. "Hell would be preferable. Least I'm not tempted by the thought of leaving there."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-06 12:31 am (UTC)Sweeney has some vague understanding that Jacob isn't interested in graduating, but that's not exactly the same thing.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-06 01:00 am (UTC)Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-07 09:45 pm (UTC)"'Cause'a what ya've done or 'cause of what you are?"
Those things are not the same.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-07 11:24 pm (UTC)Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-11 06:46 pm (UTC)"Aye. Just like that." It's a matter of camaraderie, for Sweeney's felt that way...well, always, really.
"But then folk here go 'round tellin' you ya can just...be whate'er the fuck you wanna be. Like it's just that easy. Set down e'erythin' that you are an' make somethin' new."
It pisses him the fuck off; like they're talking down to him because he doesn't just fix himself.
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-11 06:51 pm (UTC)He looks over to him and lets out a breath. "Neither can you."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-12 05:21 am (UTC)"I get the ideal of 'fixin' people', but what's the fuckin' point if we gotta be somethin' completely different than what we are?"
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-12 11:43 am (UTC)He groans. "Though getting myself killed is the perfect way to piss me off."
Re: late sunday
Date: 2024-07-23 04:27 am (UTC)"Likely ta happen more than the once," he notes in camaraderie. "Always some cunt lookin' ta be a cunt." Especially when you're the cunt first.