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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

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[pharadyne]

Why?

And I mean that as a genuine question. Joseph's not here to care what anyone says about him.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

But I am.

[He tilts his head.]

That's enough, isn't it?

[pharadyne]

To murder someone over? I'd say...no.

To be honest, even if he were here, I think assaulting Arthur over merely smartmouthing about him would be a bit much.

I know what John thought of Joseph. What do you think of him?

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

I'm the Head of Security. Assaulting people for slandering the Father is exactly what I do.

[He sighs.]

I was - Joseph's sacrifice. I'm meant to protect them. John and Joseph.

[pharadyne]

That's who you are to your brothers. Doesn't answer what you think of them or what they are to you.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He laughs.]

I think John has you all fooled because he's never had a genuine moment in his life. Not since he was five years old, at least. And I think Joseph's right about the Collapse and that what he's doing is the right thing.

What answer are you looking for here?

[pharadyne]

My understanding is you weren't there for a significant part of John's life so how would you know? [Norton's voice has a hint of chill in it. He takes another sip of tea to settle his thoughts.]

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He eyes him warily.]

He was scared of me. Jealous, because Joseph approved of me more.

But I did what I could to protect them both. All the times Dad wanted to go after John, I took those for him. The family that made us sleep in the barn? I took care of them.

Don't sit there and tell me I don't know my own family just because you let him suck you off and tell you everything you wanted to hear.

[pharadyne]

Protecting someone doesn't mean you know them. John could be very cunning, very careful about the masks he showed to the world, doesn't mean he never had a genuine moment. Maybe he didn't around you, but maybe that was because he was too scared to.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[Jacob shrugs, but he looks more troubled than he did when he first arrived.]

Well, he's off living a new life and you're here defending him.

But he has nothing to do with me being here.

[pharadyne]

No, I imagine Old Man Seed is more at the root of things. Not everything, of course, but I sometimes ponder how different our choices would be if we were born in different times or to different families.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[The fact that he calls him that, that he knows to call him that, strikes Jacob quiet for a moment. He eventually picks up his glass and gets up to refill it on his own.]

Why? We weren't.

John got new parents. Joseph lived in the system. I was raised in juvie.

We had all the second chances we could stomach and it all led us to the place we needed to be.

[pharadyne]

Those three separate paths were because of him. If you'd all been born to some pacifist Quaker whose idea of punishment was to have you all sit around a table and discuss your concerns with tedious sincerity, and had never been separated, I imagine you'd have all ended up rather differently.

Not that it matters in the end, since that's not what happened, I just wonder sometimes to what extent the differences between warden and inmate comes down to luck.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Born to anyone else means I wouldn't be me. And so it's a moot point. You take my body and my mind and everything about me and give me two parents who weren't fuck ups...I wouldn't be the same person and I wouldn't be me.

[He fills his glass and shakes his head.]

So it doesn't matter for a lot of reasons.

[pharadyne]

I find it reassuring that we're not intrinsically wrong. And that wardens aren't intrinsically better.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

No. But everyone has to make choices.

[He sits back down with his glass.]

But when push comes to shove, people will either die with their ideals or sacrifice them to survive. And what's the point in dying for something so stupid?

[pharadyne]

Most people die for much sillier reasons than ideals. Like old age. Old age is ridiculous and I refuse to participate in it.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Well - [And Jacob laughs at that, tired.]

You certainly accomplished that. And that's something you and I have in common.

[pharadyne]

That's the problem with surviving. You get punished for it with old age.

[Norton has a sip of tea and abruptly switches topic.]

John remembers what you did for him when you were children. I think...he's scared of you, but he loves you. If that matters to you.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[Jacob stares off to the opposite wall.]

It does, in a way.

I thought I was helping him. Helping both of them. It just got us separated.

[pharadyne]

It's good that you tried. It matters to John that you tried. Really tried. My own older brother's idea of helping me felt more like stabbing me with a fire poker, metaphorically speaking, and we've barely talked since.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Why? [He is happy to move omaway from John and Joseph. Having a warden who already knows so much is - disorienting.]

You two not get along?

[pharadyne]

We were close as children. Drifted apart as we got older. He got married, had children of his own. His wife doesn't want me around them. Not entirely sure if it's because she thinks homosexuality is contagious or if she thinks my decadent immorality would be dangerous to them. Gerald made an appointment with a well-regarded psychotherapist for me without asking me first, I told him he could sod off. And that was that. We still exchange Christmas cards, though. And had dinner together at the Savoy a few years back. But we really don't see each other very much, which almost takes effort considering we both live in the West End.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Sounds like an asshole. Family is family, I suppose. But that doesn't mean you have to see them.


Especially when they're shitty.

[pharadyne]

He's more idiot than arse. He genuinely thought he was helping. But that doesn't make me any more inclined to forgive him. Or trust him.