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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

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[pharadyne]

I know, but you wanted it enough to keep it all this time. And to ask for it now. So I reckon it holds meaning, even if it's complicated and layered over the years.

[Because now it also carries memories from Montana.]

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[Jacob runs his tongue over his teeth.]

Yeah, I guess. Pathetic, though.

[pharadyne]

I don't think so. Wanting tangible objects associated with important moments or memories is a very human impulse. Just look at all the monuments and memorials out there. Keepsakes are the same thing, just on a personal level.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Yeah? What do you keep around?

[pharadyne]

I--

I mostly try to avoid remembering things too much. [He confesses.] But I have some things from my time here.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He picks up Mae's ball again and moves over on the edge of the bed, a clear invitation for Norton to join, should he want it. He tosses the ball across the room for her.]

You don't like things tying you down.

[It's not really a question.]

What do you have from here?

[pharadyne]

A few odds and ends. An "iPod." An inscribed silver lighter and cigarette case. A little puzzle box. A blue jacket.

[He pads over and sits next to Jacob on the bed.]

There are other things too, but I don't imagine I'll take everything with me when I eventually go.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He throws, she fetches. He throws. She fetches. She doesn't ever seem to tire.]

Yeah? What do they mean?

[pharadyne]

They were gifts. The iPod has futuristic music on it. A collection of songs from 1955 to the twenty-first century. The lighter and cigarette holder were from my warden.

The blue jacket is basically a war trophy.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

I know what an iPod is. [He smirks a little at the thought.]

Only you'd think of a jacket as a war trophy. I have - my music box. Nothing else.

[pharadyne]

Hard to keep many important objects when you don't have a consistent safe spot to keep them.

Have you acquired anything special here on the Barge?

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Nah. Not really.

Well. Mae, I guess.

[But nothing else. Why should he keep anything when it's all going to disappear?]

[pharadyne]

Mae is very special.

And growing up so fast. Before you know it she'll be stepping out with handsome young dogs and breaking their hearts.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[The biggest eyeroll.]

She's already got her sights set on Moose.

[He reaches up to his necklaces, where his dog tags are, and pauses.]

Oh. I - got this, I guess.

[He untucks it from his shirt to hold out to Norton. They're his tags, of course, but attached, on a smaller chain, are Miller's.]

[pharadyne]

Moose. [Norton wrinkles his nose and sniffs disdainfully in a manner entirely borrowed from his mother.] I'm not sure I approve of Moose.

[Then Jacob reaches for his dog tags and Norton leans forward to view, all the joking about Mae put aside.]

You've carried that for a long time.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Yeah. Carry it for the rest of my damn life.

[He's not talking only about the tags. But they're a weight around his neck, a reminder that his survival was only at the sacrifice of another. The weaker man's sacrifice was Jacob's salvation. The same thing Jacob is doing for Joseph.]

[pharadyne]

Do you have regrets?

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

For Miller? No. I did what I had to. What God asked of me, or whoever the fuck is running things. To survive.

[pharadyne]

I think one can regret something while still believing it was the best course of action at the time. I regret what I did to survive in Ashenden, but I wouldn't change it. It was wrong, but it was also necessary.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

I don't regret it.

[It comes out in a snap.]

Drop it.

[pharadyne]

Okay, if you insist. [He raises his hands in surrender, ceding the conversational victory to Jacob.]

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[Jacob settles back again.]

Good. Was there anything else?

[pharadyne]

Not really. Unless there's anything you'd like from me. [He's not in a hurry to leave, has no where else to be, and would rather be with company than not. But he has no reason to stay either unless Jacob wants him to.]

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

[He leans back on the bed, the pillows against his back.]

No. I was going to watch my show in fucking silence. C'mon.

[He takes out his phone and holds it up, inviting Norton to join him if he wants. The screen is small, but still able to play the wildlife show he's seen a dozen times.]

[pharadyne]

[Norton does few things in silence, and watching any sort of show or film is not one of those things. So Jacob is going to be subjected to bursts of commentary, observations, and quips throughout. To his eyes, Alaska looks a lot like Montana. There are tall mountains and endless forests and large mammals and it all looks so much less domesticated than even the most rural parts of England. He wonders if that's the appeal for Jacob.]