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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Yeah, and you're important to me, too. Enough that I think about you a lot and not just - the sex."

Though that's obviously very nice.

"The other day I caught this huge fish and I wanted to show you cuz I knew you'd think it was the ugliest thing you've ever seen."

[sixfeetofdirt]

He laughs, almost despite himself.

"I've seen a lot of ugly things in my life, Jacob. But - I might have liked to be challenged. New depths are yet to be plumbed, I'm sure."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"I took a picture of it on my phone. I'll show you later," he laughs, pulling away so they can rinse.

"Fucker bit me for the trouble, though."

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion tuts, even as he's still chuckling.

"Wretched thing. That privilege is reserved for me alone."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Yeah, well, come stake your claim or whatever or I'm gonna let the fish have it all."

He leaves the water on if Astarion wants more time, but he steps out and grabs a towel.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Stake my claim? That's offensive language around my kind, you know."

He turns the water off after a few more moments of rinsing, grabbing another towel for himself. The bathroom feels pleasantly warm and steamy, with no shocking chill when he steps out of the shower.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Stake, stake, stake," he says, stepping closer to him as he towels off his hair. "What are you going to do about it, huh?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion hums, theatrically, pretending thoughtfulness as he takes a few wandering footsteps.

Then he flicks his towel against Jacob's ass.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Jacob yelps in a rather undignified way, turning around and holding his sore asscheek with one hand.

"Oh you're gonna fucking get it," he laughs and reaches for him.

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion laughs too, letting Jacob trap him against the wall.

"Oh, will I? Whatever will you do with me?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"I know exactly what you're doing. You're watching Survivor with me and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it."

He corners him, placing his arms to either side of him.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I'm watching what with you?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

He laughs and tries his best to make it sound menacing.

"Come on. I'll show you."

But first, he closes the distance between them and kisses him.

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion cradles his face in both hands and kisses him soundly, then - reluctantly - lets him go.

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Oh absolutely."

But he finishes drying and opens the door to the bedroom. He nudges Mae off the bed as he dresses only in boxers, giving Astarion a nice comfortable robe. It doesn't fit Jacob, and...he didn't get it for himself anyway.

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion wraps himself up in it happily, glancing down at the way it drapes and hangs.

"Why did you choose this one? It wouldn't fit-"

The penny drops, and a faint pink dusts his cheeks.

"Ah. I - thank you."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"It's nothing," he tells him, suddenly very interested in getting his DVD player up and running. The screen is definitely not up enough - better push it back down.

He eventually finds his way and gestures for Astarion to join him on the bed.

"So, this isn't a movie. It's a show about idiots who think they can survive in the wild. They have challenges to complete. And they get to vote each other off. Whoever lasts longest wins."

[sixfeetofdirt]

He lays down alongside him, snuggling in a little.

"Ah. So it's for...people in their homes to laugh at idiots trying to survive in some far-off wilderness?"

Ritual humiliation! He gets that.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Yes, but there's also the sort of people who think they could do better."

He starts it up, letting it go through the lives of the contestants. "Like me."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"You actually did live in the wilderness," Astarion laughs. "I assume that would count as cheating for these people."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Exactly," he laughs. "But I can still judge them for it. Just wait until they start voting people off."

He holds him close, pressing a kiss to his temple.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Voting. They could never have the likes of this in Faerun. People would start getting ideas."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

He watches as they start dragging firewood underneath a tower for their challenge, tutting at their efforts.

"What do you have there? A king or - something like that?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

"It depends on where you are. Baldur's Gate has a council of four Grand Dukes, elected by the Parliament of Peers - fifty 'trusted citizens'," he's not quite using airquotes, but he's got opinions about how trustworthy the Parliament actually is. "As far as I know, the first Parliament was selected by the Council, and vacant seats are usually handed down to the heirs of whoever vacated them."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

He isn't surprised. "That kind of thing breeds corruption and complacency. Why work for the people when you know the power is going to be there no matter what?"

One of the teams has managed to get the wet Amazon rainforest wood to light, at least.