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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

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[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Better," he says. "A little - easier to imagine, at least. One of the first conversations Norton had with me was what strength was. And if he was strong. I told him no, but - that wasn't the truth."

He breathes out. "In that nightmare world, I saved him. I didn't do it because I thought he was weak, I did it because I thought - that he was necessary. And needed. And strong in ways that I'm not." It's when he first started thinking about these things in a less simplistic way.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"...perhaps that's why I was never going to see eye to eye with John," Astarion says, thoughtfully. "He was...is...one of the most powerful entities on the ship. Impossibly ancient. Capable of things I can't even imagine. I was never going to feel anything but weak, with him. Worthless."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Jacob sits up, looking down at Astarion with a thoughtful expression. "And now? You don't feel that way anymore?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I'm...beginning to explore alternatives," he says delicately.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

That is surprising enough, but Jacob always wants to know more.

"Like what?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Like...I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter how I feel? Maybe I just don't need to think about myself that much."

Perhaps it's just enough to please other people? People he likes. Loves. He can be content with that, surely?

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Now you sound like me," he mutters. "And not in a good way. It does matter what you feel. You should have a voice and think about yourself."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Mm. Well. Another alternative to consider," he concedes. "Shall we sleep on it?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"God yes," he mutters, then settles down again beside him. "Good night. Afternoon. Whatever it is," he grumbles. Because he's tired and that's all that matters.