Did you take it when you left to remember her? The person she used to be? [Because that's a long time to carry around a music box, unless Jacob just really liked the song.]
I know, but you wanted it enough to keep it all this time. And to ask for it now. So I reckon it holds meaning, even if it's complicated and layered over the years.
[Because now it also carries memories from Montana.]
I don't think so. Wanting tangible objects associated with important moments or memories is a very human impulse. Just look at all the monuments and memorials out there. Keepsakes are the same thing, just on a personal level.
[He picks up Mae's ball again and moves over on the edge of the bed, a clear invitation for Norton to join, should he want it. He tosses the ball across the room for her.]
They were gifts. The iPod has futuristic music on it. A collection of songs from 1955 to the twenty-first century. The lighter and cigarette holder were from my warden.
[He's not talking only about the tags. But they're a weight around his neck, a reminder that his survival was only at the sacrifice of another. The weaker man's sacrifice was Jacob's salvation. The same thing Jacob is doing for Joseph.]
I think one can regret something while still believing it was the best course of action at the time. I regret what I did to survive in Ashenden, but I wouldn't change it. It was wrong, but it was also necessary.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-08-18 10:49 am (UTC)[He fiddles with his hands.]
She liked music. I got my hair from her.
I don't know. She lost her spirit as dad kept drinking and the money never came in and the boys were born. I raised 'em when shit got too hard.
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Date: 2024-08-18 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-18 08:20 pm (UTC)[He looks up, immediately pushing back against this line of talk.]
Not everything is that deep, you know.
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Date: 2024-08-18 10:04 pm (UTC)[Because now it also carries memories from Montana.]
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Date: 2024-08-18 10:10 pm (UTC)Yeah, I guess. Pathetic, though.
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Date: 2024-08-19 01:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-19 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-19 05:27 am (UTC)I mostly try to avoid remembering things too much. [He confesses.] But I have some things from my time here.
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Date: 2024-08-19 09:19 am (UTC)You don't like things tying you down.
[It's not really a question.]
What do you have from here?
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Date: 2024-08-19 10:17 pm (UTC)[He pads over and sits next to Jacob on the bed.]
There are other things too, but I don't imagine I'll take everything with me when I eventually go.
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Date: 2024-08-19 10:20 pm (UTC)Yeah? What do they mean?
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Date: 2024-08-20 03:31 am (UTC)The blue jacket is basically a war trophy.
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Date: 2024-08-20 01:48 pm (UTC)Only you'd think of a jacket as a war trophy. I have - my music box. Nothing else.
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Date: 2024-09-03 07:59 pm (UTC)Have you acquired anything special here on the Barge?
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Date: 2024-09-03 08:11 pm (UTC)Well. Mae, I guess.
[But nothing else. Why should he keep anything when it's all going to disappear?]
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Date: 2024-09-07 02:43 am (UTC)And growing up so fast. Before you know it she'll be stepping out with handsome young dogs and breaking their hearts.
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Date: 2024-09-07 02:45 am (UTC)She's already got her sights set on Moose.
[He reaches up to his necklaces, where his dog tags are, and pauses.]
Oh. I - got this, I guess.
[He untucks it from his shirt to hold out to Norton. They're his tags, of course, but attached, on a smaller chain, are Miller's.]
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Date: 2024-09-09 07:34 pm (UTC)[Then Jacob reaches for his dog tags and Norton leans forward to view, all the joking about Mae put aside.]
You've carried that for a long time.
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Date: 2024-09-09 07:40 pm (UTC)[He's not talking only about the tags. But they're a weight around his neck, a reminder that his survival was only at the sacrifice of another. The weaker man's sacrifice was Jacob's salvation. The same thing Jacob is doing for Joseph.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 06:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-13 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-13 09:33 pm (UTC)[It comes out in a snap.]
Drop it.
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Date: 2024-09-15 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-15 01:06 am (UTC)Good. Was there anything else?
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